The main one being that dirty word..... money. As now I am into my third month of not receiving a paycheck and we are having to spend great swathes of money (basement works) I am now wondering how the lovely rosy glow of 'stay at home mum' status will last. I need to economise but it's hard. I now have more time on my hands to enable me to mooch around shops like I've not done in years, but every time I spend money I have palpitations and wonder if we really do need that or this. In an attempt not to spend money I stay at home. But the flip side of this is I start to go stir crazy and am not a very happy mummy when everyone gets home. Yesterday I should have been cleaning the house as Wednesday is my 'cleaning day' (who'd have thought, once upon a time!) but I just couldn't muster up the energy. Mainly because I was troughing through the chocolate fudge brownies DD and I made on Tuesday! I'm cooking delicious meals for my family using the great ingredients I've taken time to source from different shops. But I'm too full of junk to enjoy them myself! I'm going to be the size of this house come Christmas!
And then Christmas - I love Christmas. I always have, but another thing I've come to realise is I'm always trying to recreate the Christmas I had in New England when I was a nanny. I build myself up into such a frenzy trying to get things perfected that I inevitably have a massive row with poor DB around about Christmas Eve! Christmas usually equals money of course, so I'm worrying about how we'll do this year. But it surely has to be better than last years run up to Christmas. I was a nightmare to live with. We were having building work done on our London house so dust everywhere, it was DD's second birthday, I was coming to terms with the failure of another round of IVF and I was exhausted from working full time for a year. I actually asked DB if he wanted to divorce me as I wouldn't blame him if he did. We were barely speaking to one another come mid December but bizarrely my mum having a mini stroke just before Christmas seemed to start a healing process. DB rallied around me and insisted we go to my mums for Christmas Day instead of going to his mums as had been our first plan. He packed and did all the driving and kept asking me if I was ok. We spent a lovely few days with my mum who thankfully seemed to make a rapid recovery and then headed over to his mums and just relaxed and were a family again.
Not rushing here or rushing there. My MIL and DD baked cookies together and I sat back and soaked it all up. This is what our life should be like. Slower, relaxed and family orientated. So as we drove away from my MIL's on a crisp New Years Eve morning last year, we passed a 'for sale' sign on what is now our lovely home and a plan started to hatch, that I still can't believe seems to have all come together.
As a I write this it's quite therapeutic, a little self indulgent, but is a great reminder that yes, some things in life do cost money, like getting drains fixed, getting a damp basement dry, feeding a family, but what's more important is my husband and I have turned our life around. We are happier, calmer people; our daughter is a constant delight and has settled in so well in this new life; and we as a couple are stronger than ever. Now that is priceless, an early Christmas present.